It's already 4:00am.
I expect the sun to rise here in about 2 and half hours from the East, and hopefully by then, I'll be fast asleep.
The sound of the floor heater rumbles in the background, and my love is sleeping soundly---weezing occasionally. It's soft background noise apart from my computer fan, rumbling to the waves of fatigue that are starting to hit me now.
I've felt this strange sense of urgency lately to make change; and while much of my life here in Korea is a constant adjustement in acclimating myself to that change, part of me is displaced between the boredom of daily life and the speed of light with which the events in my life are taking place.
Parts of my daily life are becoming a little ritualistic--motorcycle it to Taekwondo, then put on a happy face for gruelling work and kids, off for tutoring, coordinate dinner, feed the rabbit, shut eye bed-time. On the other hand, so much change is taking place that I cannot keep up: thinking primarily due to this guy that I'm totally enamoured with, combined with ballistically learning Korean so we can communicate better (mind you, he's not Korean, but he sure does speak like one~ more on that subject later!) So when the weekend hits, I usually end up stairing at the ceiling Monday morning, wondering where the weekend went! Where did the time go, and why do I feel bored with I'm moving faster than I can remember?
I think back to how I dealt with this strange occurance of what I call "space-time displacement" in the past; college life set me somewhere in the middle of this madness, so this feeling is nothing new. However, the difference between then and now, is simply how I'm gonna deal with it this time! Sure, being proactive is the key. But it's interesting to note, though, that it took me some 5 years to come up with a shortened explanation of this phenomenon. Actually, it was apart of my French thesis in college, stemming way back into the studies of Freud and Le Refoullement, or repression, and my stance that everyone stands on a fine line between repression and sanity, and it's up to our creative side to filter that madness; creativity is the transferring medium with which we materialize that energy or substance, from the organic to the concrete or inorganic. We have to materialize those repressed feelings and thoughts into a concrete resolution in order to maintain that balance; and the only way we can do that is to make that transfer from repression to material through creation. So it's not so much the end result, but the transferrence process that one goes through...
Okay, okay.. it's too dense. And it's too late to remain on that awefully weighty subject. GAWD!
Anyway, the acronym I've coined is called ACME, which stands for analyze, create, materialize and enjoy. So in other words, you assess your situation, realize you need to do something about it, create something (like an art piece, a song, a new danse move, write a book, etc.) and materialize it, making it real, and thereby enjoying the process, culminating with the end result.
Ta-da. Wow, talk about reliving your thesis... way too many nights, did I spend typing page after page, in French for Christ's sake, over a bottle of good port or red wine. Ahh.. those were the days.
Earlier, I spent a good part of 2 hours searching the internet on Switzerland, thinking of all the places I visited, remembering how fast the year flew by as I traveled the country and watched the seasons change working as an au pair. Another mental note: finish writing my story on my Swiss travels, and somehow manage to put up the 3,000 some-odd digital photos I have of my year there on Flikr. Ahhh.. alright, so the prospect of me achieving this by the new year is, well, slim. But it's food for thought.
Closing in on 5:00am. The eyes are drooping. The floor is cold and I know the bed is warm next to my sound sleeper. What's in for tomorrow? It's Sunday. Weather willing, a little trip to Woobang Towerland and the sports park. Wooppee! Time for a little picture-taking, park walking and... a spin on this super cool 2 wheel skateboard. So check back for flikr pictures.
Until then, happy dreaming ~ sheesh, this is NOT the time to be thinking about FREUD! :)